An Open Letter to Baby Knowles-Carter

Dear Baby Carter,

It’s Rembert. We need to talk.

This is your mom.

This is your dad.

Mom
Dad
She’s gonna drop you off at school.
He’s picking you up.
Bad cop.
Good cop.

Stomach Massages.
Back Massages.

They are really excited for your arrival.

So are we.

I don’t know if you have any say in the matter, but if they name you Christ Carter, I’m going to be the proud owner of a 2004 Jeep Grand Cherokee. So yeah, I dunno… perform some miracles while you’re in the crib for the next 8.5 months.

Help a non-Carter out.

All the best,

Your favorite play cousin, Rembert.