Conversing with the Blacks on Thanksgiving: A Look Back

Over the past 4 years, my cousin Erin and I have been chronicling the conversations of my family over Thanksgiving. The fam has, and never will, let us down. We have continuously decided to make the gross generalization that our family seems to talk about all the issues important to “Black America” over a single Thanksgiving dinner. Yes, a highly ignorant statement to make, but whatever. It’s not me, it’s the yams talking.

Tomorrow will be Year 5. I can’t wait.

A look back… (click on years for full post)

2007 (1.0)

1. Mike Vick
2. Dogs
3. Mary J’s most recent concert tour
4. “The Man”
5. Slavery/Reparations
6. T.I./Silencers/”Our Fallen Soldiers”
7. Luther (Loofa) Vandross
8. Child Support
9. “These” Ministers (Eddie, Creflo, & Judge Mathis)
10. Soulja Boi
11. Jesus/Jeezy
12. The Cash 3 (Lottery)
13. Money + Black = Jail
14. Coretta
15. Kanye
16. Pookie & Dem
17. Beyonce vs. Alicia Keyes-Who’s Prettier?
18. Keyshia Cole
19. New York & Flava Flav; “This horrible Tela Tequila Show”
20. Bringing “Being Bobby Brown” Back!

2008 (2.0)

1. How my uncle Told Us that Mike Vick was garbage.
2. How we need to watch that new Katt Williams DVD.
3. Obama ain’t no “regular negro”
4. Why PacMan Jones is crazy (Ans: Chemical imbalance)
5: Why T.O.’s crazy (Ans: like Kanye, just needs some friends)
6. T.I.
7. How serious that Pizza Hut pasta is.
8. Being illegally searched/followed in the mall
9. How the “salty” White folk act like the election didn’t happen.
10. How the recession is responsible for the lack of green beans in the casserole.
11. Obama needs to get a pitbull. It’s real black. Throw some 20s on a limo or something. Tint the white house windows. Do something.
12. Itis and it’s cultural consequences.
13. Who is this dude that keep sendin’ these stimulus checks?
14. Warren Sapp on Dancing with the stars.
15. “If Vick come back, PETA and da ASPCA gone be all outside with signs. He gone get dogged out!”
16.No means no (ask Kobe)
17. Bring Chappelle back (and how David Alan Grier is no Dave Chappelle)
18. Ms. Peaches
19. Tired of being Black/so excited to turn White.
20. The “importance” of Kwanzaa
21. Obama’s new Attorney General, Eric Holder, looks like Stedman.

2009 (3.0)

26. How “Ladasha” is spelled “La-a” and how there should be apostrophes and dashes in the scrabble set.
25. The sheer ignorance of Gucci Mane La Flare; how many/which learning disabilities does he have. GOOOCHI
24. Janet and Jermaine Dupri — broken up?
23. Obama and how he’s slippin HARD
22. That White couple that snuck in the State Dinner
21. San Francisco and how they have gay cops that ask you what cologne you’re wearing.
20. The yearly Mike Vick conversation
19. Are people with dredlocks to be trusted? In any situation?
18. Old family reunions and fights on the buses.
17. White people.
16. Is the he guy in “Blindside” also the girl in “Precious” — “Precious name weigh 10 pounds…”
15. Mo’Nique, and how she better win an Oscar, or else…
14. Denzel Washington and how he got robbed for Malcolm X
13. The homeless confused by Thanksigiving Day marathons — “You ran a half marathon? Girl, you cheated?”
12. Jermaine Jackson — his kid, Jermajesty, and the fact he married Randy’s ex-wife
11. Heaven — “can pay $20 at the door to get in?” “do they have a lax dress code?”
10. Confusion over the chronology of old people’s funerals this year.
9. Tall asians into a seemless transition into Black Rednecks
8. Oprah — why she leaving?
7. The Blue Jean Bandit — why we can’t catch him — “Nobody wears size 32s in the hood”
6. Atlanta Mayoral Race — they both suck, vote for Coach Woodson of the Hawks (followed by a full family standing ovation)
5. Mary Norwood — closet Republican, a user, but she did come to Bankhead.
4. Kasim Reed — lame, can’t talk, why asking people at 3am at Applebees to vote for him
3. Bill Campbell — a crook, but at least he kept the party going.
2. John Lewis — old, senile, spits when he talks.
1. One word in East Atlanta: “Handmethatrighthereforme”

2010(4.0)

15. Buy 1 Wig, Get 3 Free.
14. MIKE VICK. MIKE VICK. MIKE VICK.
13. Tweeting
12. 4th Cousins (Ours = Boog, Yik, Stush, Cookie, & Sweet)
11. Former Scandals (Bill Campbell, ex-UGA Athletic Director)
10. Real Children vs. Outside Children
9. Dr. Tiy-E Mohammed, How my Mom got him fired, and The Real Housewives of Atlanta
8. New Kanye/Bootlegging CDs during dinner.
7. Beyonce World Tour Concert/ Wig vs. Weave discussion
6. “The Michael Jackson Experience” on Wii
5. Age you stopped getting whooped.
4. Red Velvet Cake
3. Itis
2. Needing an iPad to finish a PhD.
1. How we don’t have to root for the Saints anymore (Katrina was like 6 years ago)

I have a great feeling about 5.0 tomorrow.

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About Rembert Browne

NYC via ATL //// rembert.browne@gmail.com 500daysasunder.wordpress.com
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