Ever heard of the 100-Year Flood? You know, the great flood that is predicted to occur once a century, leading to massive amounts of destruction, chaos, etc.
Ever heard of the 16-Year Stankfest? Of course you have. For clarification’s sake, I’ll explain it for that 1 person not in the loop.
The “16-Year Stankfest” is the once every 16 year occurrence of a massive Atlanta pilgrimage to New York, resulting in the blowing of minds, the melting of hearts, the explosion of ear drums, and the destruction of property. It happens once every 16 years not because of something environmental or spiritual, but by law.
You see, 16 years ago in NYC this happened:
New Yorkers immediately lost all hometown pride, began moving out of there homes that evening while claiming Atlanta as their immediate destination (We got the Olympics THAT NIGHT). The then-Mayor Rudy Guiliani, in an attempt to regain control of his city, shut down all the bridges and tunnels and banned masses of ATLiens from coming to New York for 16 years.
I can’t do math too well, but this nerd I just beat up told me 1995 + 16 = 2011.
This weekend, for one weekend, our kind is allowed back in New York City by the
thousands hundreds tens and I could not be more excited. Many a event is to be celebrated. For one, we have two beautiful birthdays to celebrate, Nathan’s 24th and Marisa’s 23rd. We have the triumphant returns of former NYC inhabitants-turned-Los Angeles lifeguards Benjamin James Hansen and James Byron Lowe. I even heard that everyone’s favorite high school dropout, J. Helen Duffy, might be making an appearance. And if you come here meet anyone named “Shea Shea” “Xtina” or “Mike V”, say “Thank You For Everything” and give them your drink. And that’s not even everybody.
Well aware that the 16-Year Stankfest was upon us, every bar in NYC was begging to host us. After interviews, talent competitions, dance offs, freestyle battles, and staring contests, the victor was Gallery Bar. They even said we could have the entire downstairs from 10pm to 4am. And most importantly, only
Blacks and Jews people invited can get into the love-fest that is Saturday Night.
So, in conclusion:
Saturday, Jan. 22, 2011
The 16-Year Stankfest
Gallery Bar (120 Orchard b/t Delancey and Rivington)
10pm – 4am
Say “Atlanta Party” or “Rembert” at the Door
See you there.