Egypt: Test Your Investment



Instead of just sitting here on my soapbox and complaining about how Americans generally don’t care things outside of the country, I have developed a 20-point rating scale for measuring an American’s investment in the Protests in Egypt.  The scale goes from the most ignorant to the most dedicated, and everyone in-between.

See where you land.

1. Never heard of Egypt.

(Subtract 100,000 and never visit this blog again)

2. Heard of Egypt, but don’t know a single thing about it.

(Subtract 5000 and don’t visit this blog until you email me something about Egypt)

3. Know some things about Egypt (Pyramids, Sphinx) but can’t locate it on a map.

(Subtract 250, and then call my little cousin Chaz.  He’ll tell you.)

4. Know of Egypt, but unaware of the current conflict.

(Subtract 10, then google “Egypt”)

5. Aware of conflict, but haven’t the slightest clue what’s going on.

(Subtract 5, google “Egypt”, and then read the first thing you see. Don’t be afraid, it won’t bite)

6. The one piece of information known is that some dude turned off the internet switch.

(No addition or subtraction, but find a newspaper ASAP from the last 5 days. Some other “stuff” has “gone down” since then)

7. Have been keeping up with the conflict via television coverage.

(Add 2, but if “Television Coverage” = “Regis and Kelly”, subtract 2)

8. Read the news on Egypt in the paper every morning.

(Add 20 for still reading the actual paper.  Bravo, you)

9. Refresh Internet outlets multiple times a day to get more up-to-date information.

(Add 30, but then subtract 15 if you only read Huffington Post or Fox News)

10. Started following correspondents in Egypt via Twitter for real-time information.

(Add 50, and then add 50 more for every correspondent that doesn’t simply work for CNN and happen to be a silver fox)

11. Created a Twitter account with the sole purpose of obtaining real-time information on the conflict.

(Add 75 for your commitment to real-time knowledge, but give yourself a slap on the wrist for taking so long to get on the Tweets…)

12. Spend a significant portion of the day watching the Al-Jazeera Live Stream.

(Add 100, and then add 500 more if your computer screen is in plain view of your boss/professor’s desk.)

13. Have the Al-Jazeera Live Stream on in the top right portion of your computer at all times.

(Add 200, and then add 200 more if you’ve ever done this with Young Jeezy music videos)

14. Have openly talked about how the conflict in Egypt is more important than anything you currently have to do, in front of people that don’t care that much.

(Add 400 for every person that walks out on you, mid-conversation)

15. Have openly talked about how the conflict in Egypt is more important than anything you currently have to do, in front of superiors (professors, bosses, supervisors, etc.)

(Add 500, and then add 3000 more if you drop the mic once you’re finished with your tirade)

16. If given the chance, you would actually consider going to Egypt for the sake of documenting the revolution.

(Add 500, but then subtract 500 if you’re simply trying to impress a girl/boy)

17. If given the chance, you would actually consider going to Egypt for the sake of participating in the revolution.

(Add 1000, and then add 1000 more if you get a date from this bold proclamation)

18. In all seriousness, have looked up flights from your current location to Egypt.

(Add 2000, and then add 10,000 if you tried to use Miles and/or book through StudentUniverse.Com)

19. Have investigated alternate ways of getting to Egypt, should Cairo flights not be available.

(Add 7,500, and then add 50,000 more if that “alternate way” is flying into Athens, sneaking on a yacht to Cyprus, swimming to Damascus, renting dune buggies and driving them clear through Jordan and Israel, and arriving in Egypt just in time for Mubarak’s Super Bowl Party)

20. Upon learning of the situation in Egypt, have somehow made it to Egypt.

(Add as many points as you want, because you win. But subtract 1 point for taking the time to read this. There HAS to be something more exciting to do)

To Jamil Kareem and David Walbert, both friends currently in Egypt, I hope you are remaining safe and causing a little trouble of your own.  Good luck, gents.

As for the rest of us, stay informed, stay invested, and, with every passing day, care a little bit more.



About Rembert Browne

NYC via ATL ////
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2 Responses to Egypt: Test Your Investment

  1. thrillingham says:

    people, support a freedom fighter with some comments! best post of the 500 day countdown. hopefully, we can kick mubarak to the curb before you finish grad school. alternative spring break cairo here we come.

  2. Midrashist says:

    OK, I know most americans are distressingly ignorant. But I get up at least thru your fourteenth point. (Well, i didn’t actually set up my twitter account for Egypt, I set it up for all the protests in Iran. And basically only use it for real time info on protests wherever. )
    I’ve spent a minimum of eight hours a day reading about Egypt since January 25. I’ve sat in front of the computer so much I haven’t been out and about much to bore people with my obsession. But I have put more comments than usual on facebook, written e-mails, and posted comments with interesting articles on the best blogs. (IF YOU DON’T READ ENDURING AMERICA IT’S ONE OF THE BEST SITES FOR UP TO DATE INFO, especially when aljazeera doesn’t have a live report.
    And no, I never would have seen this “test” or bothered with reading it, except that one of my daughters posted it to facebook……

    Actually, one of the things I like most about twitter is how heartening it can be when a serious political topic is trending. At one point in the past two weeks Jordan with a spanish spelling was trending….I found that fascinating.

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