If I Had Met… Black History Month Finale

One of my loyalest (and most self-aware) chums, Evan, sent me this email a few weeks ago with the subject title “1989”:

I got the email on my phone, and didn’t open the attached picture until later.  Evan has sent me some good stuff in the past, but I was pretty sure it couldn’t that awesome.  Finally, when I got home, I remembered the email, opened the attachment, and inside was the above picture, without the black bars.

I’m censoring this picture for the time being, because one should never be blindsided by a picture of this magnitude.  Thankfully, I was in the comfort of my own home, all I did was fall out of my chair, spill my glass of hydrochloric acid on the face, and hit my head on the radiator on three separate occasions.  If you’re at work and saw that picture, your reaction will get you fired.  If you’re in class and saw that picture, you would be asked to leave and subsequently would lose any financial aid you had been given.

So you’re welcome.

Anyway, once I recovered from my various injuries, I stared at it and my only reaction was, “I should have been in that picture.”

The clothing, the mustaches, the haircuts, the jewelry, and the 5 individuals in question all scream “Rembert. Join Us.  Join Us Now.

**HINT 1**

Kid n’ Play are almost enough to make me jealous of my absence from this picture.  I have thought, at length, conversations Kid, Play, and I would have had in the early 90s, most of which revolving around my necessary inclusion in House Party 1-19.  Also, anytime one person was speaking, the other two would be doing the “Kid n’ Play”.

You know… the “Kid n’Play”… left foot step, right foot kick, left food step, right foot back, left food step, right foot kick, left foot step, right foot back, left foot step, right foot kick and TWIRL AND TWIRL AND TWIRL.

Duh.

**HINT 2**

This picture is like Carmelo and Amar’e vs. Lebron and DWade last night… times 1,928,392.

Words like “Swag” don’t do these individuals justice.  WHY WASN’T I THERE.

I assume they’re all friends, but I’d have to find out if there was any bad blood between the two duos.  The great thing is, at this point, Kid n’ Play were significantly more popular than Willard and Jeffrey.  Kid would probably have to sneak Will into the club, or at least vouch to a bouncer to reduce his cover charge.  Oh how times have changed…

If it was the 5 of us, we’d probably find 5 others and play pick-up basketball somewhere. Everyone would probably be rocking the great replica jersey’s of the time. Will and DJ Jazzy Jeff would probably be wearing Charles Barkley and Hersey Hawkins 76ers jerseys, while Kid & Play would most likely have on Isaiah Thomas and Bill Laimbeer jerseys.  Although my allegance is always to Atlanta, in 1989 there is NO way I wouldn’t be wearing the crispest, flyest MJ #23 red Bulls jersey.  No doubt in my mind.  Gosh, MJ was so cool back then.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG

I knew this picture was coming and I still fell out of my chair.  You mean to tell me Michael Jordan was hanging out w/ Kid, Fresh Prince, DJ Jazzy Jeff, & Play?  This is easily a top 5 moment in Black History.

I wonder what they did before and after this picture was taken.  If it was the 6 of us, I probably would have suggested we go to the mall.  I don’t know why, but I like the idea of the 6 of us hanging out in the food court, in Foot Locker trying on MJ’s shoes, or at Tower Records, deciding which of the two duo’s B-sides to purchase.

I’m not saying my presence in this picture would have make a significant difference in the course of Black History, but it easily could have.  For one, after losing 19-straight bets to Jordan in 20 minutes, he might have started feeling bad for me, causing him to consider how his gambling problem effects those around him, regardless of if he wins or loses. If I had somehow helped in diminishing his gambling problem, he never would have had to go play baseball for 2 years and might have 9-10 rings.

Also, if I were there, I might have told Will to stick with his music, no matter what, because in my mind, he was the greatest rapper of all time. He probably wouldn’t have listened, but would have strongly considered my warning of “if you do act, avoid disaster/end of the world/anything to do with alien” films at all costs. It was 1989, there’s no way anyone could have predicted the string of successful 90s “disaster/end of the world/anything to do with aliens” films.  No way.

It’s a shame I was 2 years old when this picture was taken.  While 2 year old Rembert was in no way ready to hang out with these 5 gents, almost 24 year old Rembert definitely is.  I purposefully say “almost 24 year old” as a way of hinting what I might want for my birthday.

READ: If you can’t get all 5 in the same room by March 28th, I’ll happily take 3.  Unless, of course, 2 of those 3 are Kid n’Play, which would definitely require a fourth to be considered a decent birthday present.

I guess only Will and MJ would also work, but I’m not meeting at a Scientology Temple, an Off-Track Betting establishment, a Charlotte Bobcats game, or a Willow Smith concert.  Not on my birthday.

It’s been a great Black History Month.  Obama’s still president, Carol Moseley Braun didn’t win for mayor of Chicago, The Jimmy Fallon show has officially turned into Soul Train, a few Black people still live in Harlem, the Real Housevives of Atlanta is over (for now), and this picture has resurfaced.  This is definitely one for the record books.

-Rem

p.s. Apologies in advance for my behavior in March.  The closer and closer I get to reaching my Kobe, the more and more I will start behaving, acting, and writing like Ron Artest.  This will result in either the best or worst 31 days of material ever created.  Get excited?

**UPDATE** 2/28/11 — 8:02pm

Thank you, Mr. Searles, for all you do in the world of photoshop:


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About Rembert Browne

NYC via ATL //// rembert.browne@gmail.com 500daysasunder.wordpress.com
This entry was posted in Rando, When I Meet.... Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to If I Had Met… Black History Month Finale

  1. ez says:

    best post yet.

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