Rebecca Black is Cooler than You

This is Rebecca Black, the 13 year old imfamously known for her new song “Friday”

A week or so, this video was released and haters from around the world have added their 2 cents about why this is the worst song and video ever, and essentially implying she’s a horrible person.

When I was a Senior in college, a young Freshman girl wrote an article in our paper that got her a (arguably deserved) large amount of criticism. As someone that also wrote for the paper, I seized the opportunity to throw the final blow.  Am I happy I did it, absolutely.  Do I feel bad every now and then for the “welcome to college” serving I gave her?, of course.  Because of this infantesimal amount of guilt I still feel, I have decided to not join the hater bandwagon and fight for the underdog. 

I am here to proudly stand up for RB, because 1) this song is the jam, 2) this video is the jam, and 3) she is the jam.

I didn’t want to believe it, but apparently our entire population has become so jaded they have forgotten how much fun the weekends are/should be for 13 year olds.

From the second I turned 14 to present day, I have consistently maintained that 13 (7th grade) will be the most packed my social calendar will ever be. I have a lot of fun now (arguably too much), but when the weekend approaches, rarely do I actually know what I’m getting in to.

When I was 13, I knew exactly what I was getting into Friday and Saturday nights.


I had at least one baller party to go EVERY SINGLE WEEKEND (sometimes 2), and as soon as Monday came around, I was just prepping myself for Friday.

I’d be sitting in homeroom on Friday, daydreaming about how crazy it was that yesterday was Thursday. I’d look up, painfully, at the slowly moving clock, but would be relieved because at least today was Friday. Once school was out, I’d be the happiest kid in the world, not only for Friday night, but the fact that the next day was Saturday and then Sunday comes afterwards.

I know exactly what my girl Black is going through.

I was a decently cool 13 year old, but when it was time to go to school (even on Fridays), I was riding with my mom. This is embarassing, but not once did my 7th grade friends roll up on my block and pick me up in a convertible. Rebecca doesn’t even seem phased by this occurance, because I’m assuming it happens often, and is more concerned with deciding which seat she should take. Like a boss, she takes the middle, because as all bosses know, its the best place to stretch your legs into the front seat. She’s living a wild life, one that 13-year old me never dreamed possible.

In addition to that, I think I was 17 the first time I sat on top of a convertible with no seatbelt as my friends sped down the highway. She’s doing that kind of stuff when she’s 13? Unreal. I bet her parents don’t know what to do with their Black daughter. She’s so fly.

Finally, that party that she goes to looks like something I wouldn’t get invited to now. Outdoors, nice cars, all the ballers present–these events are my dream. And then, out of nowhere, she has the swag to just start performing. I couldn’t even speak up in class when I was 13, but there she is, singing about the weekend to all her baller friends. I’ve never experienced envy like I am right now.

My only criticism of Ms. Black is that she’s got to meet some cooler rappers. I know she’s young, but even at 13 I knew not to associate myself with sucker MCs. Rebecca, from me to you, never associate yourself with sucker MCs. I know you thought he was cool because he was the hired entertainment at your girl Jessie’s Bat Mitzvah, but he’s not cool.

Life’s not all inflatable saxophones and plastic fedoras, Rebecca. Never forget that.

So, Becks, if someone else gives you sass, let me know and I will personally give them a tongue lashing. You’re just a girl who loves to party and party and yeah. You love fun fun fun fun and I respect that so much.

To quote our favorite comedian, Katt Willams, Rebecca, “if you’ve got 14 women hating on you right now, you need to figure out how to get to 16 before the summer get here.”

Get to 16, Rebecca. Get to 16.

About Rembert Browne

NYC via ATL ////
This entry was posted in Music. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Rebecca Black is Cooler than You

  1. Zac says:

    generally I agree with you Rem, but on this one I think you are dead wrong.

    Let the playah haters ball commence…

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