It’s amazing to believe that over 8,400 days later, all the work that we’ve all put in is about to pay off. It’s impossible to list every single individual that has had a hand in planning this party, but the beautiful thing is in a mere few days, we’ll all be together.
Think of this invite as the Bat Call. You are all Batman. I guess that makes me justice.
People from every important part of my life are currently making plans to show up at this long-awaited celebration of life.
Atlanta friends and family.
New NYC Friends.
Friends of Enemies of Friends.
The Fab 5.
Girls that have turned me down.
Girls that will turn me down.
Anyone that has ever let me borrow lotion.
Past and current teammates.
Anyone that’s ever shared food with me.
People I know from various large email chains.
Buddies from Rikers.
People I follow on twitter.
People that have defriended me on Facebook recently.
Ken Griffey, Jr Rookie Card.
Folks that graduated from high school with my Mom.
Every thrift-store employee in the contiguous 48.
In honor of this family reunion of sorts, some precautions have been taken to make this party nothing short of perfect.
1) The establishment, Gallery Bar, has been fully rented out. Actually, being completely real, Gallery Bar has simply been given to me. No renting has been done. When I told the booking guy what the deal was, the type of people that would probably be coming through, and the 24 years of planning that has gone into the night, he really had no choice but to give us the whole place.
2) The night, MONDAY, March 28th — 9pm to 2am. Why Monday, and not Saturday, you ask? To quote my good friend RB (not Rebecca Black, this time)
For one, overlapping events always adds stress to people’s lives and two, I have no intention of missing other people’s bdays this weekend. So, being the Southern gentleman that I am, I’ve let everyone else have Saturday. I’ll take Monday; a multi-day birthday celebration is not necessary. I’m no Diddy–I’m more Ma$e.
3) The music, unprecedented. Usually when people are pumping up a party, the first thing they mention is some cool-sounding DJ that will be present. Not I. If you’re a DJ, it would behoove you to show up with a pen and a notepad, and write down the songs from my playlist that get the party crunker than any gig you’ve ever played at. I don’t enjoy talking like this, but it’s just a fact. I’ve been planning this 5-hr playlist for 24 years now and it is flawless. Terrifyingly good. Gross. Ewww.
4) The people not invited:
Relatives of Nick Cannon
Anyone that still doesn’t think Boston is racist.
Anyone that has Duke winning the NCAA Tourney
And then there’s those of you that would show up if I said it was on a Friday morning from 6-10am in Papau New Guinea, and I was definitely not buying you a flight. Thank you for being the way you are. (legend, legend, legend, legend, legend, legend, legend)
That’s enough. I’m excited. Between the music, the people, and the fact that there won’t be hooligans present (except for the invited hooligans), this should be an enjoyable evening of revelry. Bring yourself, bring your friends, and let’s have a night.
Gallery Bar (Orchard b/t Delancey and Rivington)
Monday, March 28th