24 Years in the Making

On March 28th, 1987, preparations for my 24th birthday party officially began.

It’s amazing to believe that over 8,400 days later, all the work that we’ve all put in is about to pay off. It’s impossible to list every single individual that has had a hand in planning this party, but the beautiful thing is in a mere few days, we’ll all be together.

Think of this invite as the Bat Call. You are all Batman. I guess that makes me justice.

People from every important part of my life are currently making plans to show up at this long-awaited celebration of life.

Atlanta friends and family.
Dartmouth classmates.
Old co-workers.
New NYC Friends.
Donald Glover.
Current Classmates.
Friends of Enemies of Friends.
The Fab 5.
Girls that have turned me down.
Girls that will turn me down.
Anyone that has ever let me borrow lotion.
Disgraced politicians.
Past and current teammates.
Anyone that’s ever shared food with me.
People I know from various large email chains.
Buddies from Rikers.
Tracy Jordan.
People I follow on twitter.
People that have defriended me on Facebook recently.
Ken Griffey, Jr Rookie Card.
Folks that graduated from high school with my Mom.
Patrick Bateman.
Every thrift-store employee in the contiguous 48.

In honor of this family reunion of sorts, some precautions have been taken to make this party nothing short of perfect.

1) The establishment, Gallery Bar, has been fully rented out. Actually, being completely real, Gallery Bar has simply been given to me. No renting has been done. When I told the booking guy what the deal was, the type of people that would probably be coming through, and the 24 years of planning that has gone into the night, he really had no choice but to give us the whole place.

2) The night, MONDAY, March 28th9pm to 2am. Why Monday, and not Saturday, you ask? To quote my good friend RB (not Rebecca Black, this time)

For one, overlapping events always adds stress to people’s lives and two, I have no intention of missing other people’s bdays this weekend. So, being the Southern gentleman that I am, I’ve let everyone else have Saturday. I’ll take Monday; a multi-day birthday celebration is not necessary. I’m no Diddy–I’m more Ma$e.

3) The music, unprecedented. Usually when people are pumping up a party, the first thing they mention is some cool-sounding DJ that will be present. Not I. If you’re a DJ, it would behoove you to show up with a pen and a notepad, and write down the songs from my playlist that get the party crunker than any gig you’ve ever played at. I don’t enjoy talking like this, but it’s just a fact. I’ve been planning this 5-hr playlist for 24 years now and it is flawless. Terrifyingly good. Gross. Ewww.

4) The people not invited:

Julia Stiles
Nick Cannon
Relatives of Nick Cannon
Anyone that still doesn’t think Boston is racist.
Eddie House
Eddie Long
Anyone that has Duke winning the NCAA Tourney

For some of you, geography is all that’s standing between you and showing. Don’t let it. (looking at you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, and AJANI)

For others, you’re in NYC, but the fact that it’s a school night might discourage you from coming. Don’t let it. (c’man you, you, you, you, you, you and you)

And then there’s those of you that would show up if I said it was on a Friday morning from 6-10am in Papau New Guinea, and I was definitely not buying you a flight. Thank you for being the way you are. (legend, legend, legend, legend, legend, legend, legend)

That’s enough. I’m excited. Between the music, the people, and the fact that there won’t be hooligans present (except for the invited hooligans), this should be an enjoyable evening of revelry. Bring yourself, bring your friends, and let’s have a night.

Gallery Bar (Orchard b/t Delancey and Rivington)
Monday, March 28th


About Rembert Browne

NYC via ATL //// rembert.browne@gmail.com 500daysasunder.wordpress.com
This entry was posted in Party Invites/Birthday Presents. Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to 24 Years in the Making

  1. Dory says:

    I was once making waffles at a party at the Bowery Poetry Club, and Julia Stiles asked if she could have, and I told her that she had to wait until everyone who wanted had one first, and she seemed unimpressed with my camp-counsellor answer. And then when everyone had gotten their first waffle, I tried to wave at her to come get a second, but I think she thought I was just making eyes at her because was Julia Stiles.

    So yeah, it’s good that she’s not invited to this.

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