Birthday, Birthday, Birthday

These are three of my most wonderful, smart, beautiful friends on earth, Danielle, Alex, and Jenna. Alex and Dani’s birthdays are today and Jenna’s is on Sunday.

One might think the sequence of events displayed in those three photos (from last year’s birthday weekend) is pretty self-explanatory.

Photo 1: Blow out candle
Photo 2: Giggle because we’re having fun!
Photo 3: Eat

NOTHING could be further from the truth.

Oddly enough, I wasn’t present for the aforephotoed event, but still know exactly what went down.

Photo 1:

Whoever was taking the picture started the countdown to blow out the candle. At two, Dani thinks this is an appropriate time to Hurricane Opal this birthday treat. Alex, realizing the horror that is about to ensue, closes her eyes (that is not a smile. that is fear). Jenna, on the other hand, begins to freak out because there is a flame coming right at her (note the 68 degree angle of the candle. Had it not been for a 5th party, a young guy sitting at the table next to them, and his clutch move of throwing a glass of water at the flame headed directly for Jenna, this birthday dinner would have had an abrupt ending (and Jenna would be in the ICU).

Photo 2:

Jenna is stunned that she just had a near-death experience. Dani, on the other hand, has no qualms about what has just happened. Laughing doesn’t describe what she’s doing at this point. A verb hasn’t been created to describe her reaction, but cackling is probably the closest option. As for Alex, since her eyes were closed, missed the entire incident. But to Alex’s surprise, she opened her eyes to see the gentleman that saved Jenna’s life. He’s 6’2”, looks like a mix between Ryan Gosling and Idris Elba, and isn’t wearing a shirt. Dani immediately tells him that it’s her friend Alex’s birthday and she thinks he’s cute. Alex blushes and retreats into Jenna’s shoulder. Jenna still can’t believe Dani almost killed her.

Photo 3:

The guy, lets call him “Idris Gosling”, says he’s flattered, then goes to the bathroom but promises a quick return. Alex punches Dani. Dani says something in “Detroit” and slaps Alex. They start laughing and then immediately start fixing each others hair. 2 minutes goes by, the guy returns, and Alex and Dani turn around to see Jenna has eaten the entire birthday treat (and I’m pretty sure that’s the candle she has on the fork). Apparently Idris saw Jenna dispose of the food in record time and was oddly attracted to that. He sits down and they chat for a minute, but he says he has to go and leaves them a note titled “Girl with the metabolism of a 9 year old boy, CALL ME.” Alex is appalled. Dani just wants to blow out more candles. Jenna can’t believe that she just scored a guy that looks like a cross of Idris Elba and Ryan Gosling.

I love all three of you. Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, and Happy Birthday.


About Rembert Browne

NYC via ATL ////
This entry was posted in Party Invites/Birthday Presents, Rando. Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to Birthday, Birthday, Birthday

  1. This was 100% accurate. Thanks for helping us relive the memory fool

    ❤ you (you better be reading this on your boltbus ride home from DC)

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